Friday, January 7, 2011

Reflections of some Adoptive Parents

As many of you know I am an adoptive parent. We adopted our daughter from China 4 years ago. A friend of mine posted the following on FB this morning~

"Adoption loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful." - Rev. Keith C Griffith, MBE

Here is a response left by another adoptive parent~

"Non-adoption friends...please think about this and keep it in mind the next time you tell an adopted person how "lucky" they are, or adoptive parents how "good" they are for adopting... their "luck...y" child."

"We aren't so good...we are just parents. Just because we came to parenthood differently than you did, that doesn't make us any better or worse as parents or as people..."

I couldn't agree more! We do get comments about how lucky we are or how lucky our daughter is. People act like it was a noble gesture to adopt. There are many reason why people adopt, and for each person it's a very personal decision. We were driven by our desire to have another child. The details are really no one's business. People don't need to ask how much we paid to adopt, why didn't her mom want her, if we weren't able to get pregnant, etc. We have been asked this IN FRONT of our child. While I want to say, "It's none of your damned business!" or snark back with a, "How did you get pregnant and how much did your birth cost?" or similar, I won't. I don't want my child associating her beginnings/life to negativity or shame. Admit it, we've all been curious about people we see... Is that a child's parent or grandparent? I wonder if that child is adopted? Are they twins? Where are they from? Why is that child's last name different? YES~ it's natural to be curious. But check that curiosity at the door and don't ask.

While I type this post the comments on the top quote (which I posted on FB) are building. Many of my FB friends are adoptive parents and they understand! One friend mentioned at an adult friend of hers who was adopted as a toddler is very bitter about this expectation of society. I can understand!

Do you like it when people tell you how you should feel?

Diana is a crafty creative Midwestern work from home mama of 3. She enjoys playing with PhotoShop Elements, sewing & crafting, creating fun for family & friends, camping, and reading. She is the owner & operator of Custom Blog Designs.

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